Find Your Own Kind of Weird

I had an epiphany in the past week. Originally I was going to do a post on being the awkward girl all my life. But really anything I wrote had negative overtones no matter how I tried to approach the topic. A few days ago I was watcing a video on internet marketing and something in my head clicked.

I came out of that video where they talked about finding your weird or your niche. I was bubbling with excitement and determined to find my own kind of weird. Not just my niche but within my own personality.

I am always calling myself weird and my true friends who connect with me, who accept my quirks , encourage me and who are inspired by me. I long to find who connects with me, those who click me. In other words I want to find my tribe of weirdos.

Thus the hash tag #findyourownweird was born.

What is my kind of weird? How can I break it down to describe it so people can immediately say to themselves: YES! That's like me. I am one of those weirdos right along with you!

I have posted on Facebook and Twitter asking who feels a connection with me. Who resonates with my kind of weird. I made a roll call to those who feel like they belong to my tribe of weirdos.

Defining my own kind of weird has been more difficult then I expected. I have so many facets to who I am. So many in fact that trying to come up with a clear definition feels like I am hearding a bunch of restless cats.

What does weird mean to me? Where do I start trying to define this concept?

I started like I normally do when trying to gather my thoughts on a term. I went to Merriam-Webster.com.

I am a bit of a word nerd. I love to find out the origins of the words we speak. According to the dictionary Weird finds its origins in the Middle English wird and werd. Those terms in turn evolved out of the Old English wyrd which first came into use before the 12th century.

The first two entries for weird intrigued me.

1. Fate or destiny

2. Soothsayer

Originally it seems the word was said in reverence. It eminated mystery and refered to an otherworldly wisdom.

The full definition gives us a more well rounded picture.

1. Of relating to or cause by witchcraft or the supernatural.

2. Of strange or extraordinary character.

So according to the dictionary to be weird is basically outside of the ordinary or the so called normal by society's standard. What really stood out to me was a person of strange or extraordinary character.

Well I am anything but ordinary. If anyone knows me they know I am a little left of field. I know I am weird and freely and fully admit it though it has taken me this long to accept this about myself.

Out of sheer curiosity I also looked up the entry for Weirdo.

1. Strange or unusual person

2. A person who is extraordinarily strange or eccentric.

What was curious about the entry was the suggestion that the word Weirdo was not in use until the early 1950's.

Now as a kid I remember people being called weird and weirdo in a negative way. To be weird was to be bad. Looked down upon. This also was confirmed when I asked on Facebook what other people defined weird as and my mother replied that being weird back then was equivalent to being a geek. Both terms were used to diminish people's inherant value witin social norms. In othe words to be weird was bad.

This has bee my struggle my whole life long. To fit in, to be normal by society's standards. For years and years I longed to fit in, to be acceptable and ultimately to be loved and appreciated. I have wrestled with this for so long and it has gotten me no where. Part of the problem I that I am only now seeing in hindsight is that I was trying to change who I am deep down, trying to change the core of my personality to be palatable to others and really this never worked and would never work. I am who I am.

It is finialling sinking in now in my early forties to truly see that I could never think or be like others or how others expected me to be. My peculiarities and my individualism has always found ways to make their presence known in one way or another.

It took me quitting a job that I felt constrained in, that dulled my spirit to truly see who I am mean to be. I could not succeed in my former work environment no matter how I tried. I was not meant to be there. The fit between worker and employer was not right.

Now that I am free I do things my way because I am different. I do not think like those who are considered successful by societie's standards. So why should I try to fit in where I am not supported or even liked by management. I like me and I am my own management team now.

So now I am on the quest for where I am meant to be. Where can I openly and honestly be myself with no shame and no degradation. Where do I belong with my kind of weird?

The journey has begun to reveal my kind of weird. So buckle up and enjoy the ride! Feel free to spread the word!

#findyourkindofweird

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